if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
