we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
