so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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splinters make it hard to masturbate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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