Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
