I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
