never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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