a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
