I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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