I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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