Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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