The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
