The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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