You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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