So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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