How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
