Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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