It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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