you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
