I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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