3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
