Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
