Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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