In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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