Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
