I am puke
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
