Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
