A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize