If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
