im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
