anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
