good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
