Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
