It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
