you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
