I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
