did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
