we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
