Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
