I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
