He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
