Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
