I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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