I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
