Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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