I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
