just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
