do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
