Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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