Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
