Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
