he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
