I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
