and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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