He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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