sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
