Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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