I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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