In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
