We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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