Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
