six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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