Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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